For Glory and Fame to come
by TrelawneyofSinclair
Summary: When HMS Surprise is sunken in a battle against a French vessel, the crew realizes that there’s nothing left but misery and hopelessness. Everyone tries to find a way to rescue themselves, but will every man make it?
1. Chapter 1 From Wishes to Reality

**For Glory and Fame to come**

**Chapter 1 – ****From Wishes to Reality**

The usual sound of Mr. Hollar's voice on the quarterdeck was starting to annoy Tom Pullings, who had been sleeping for an hour in his hammock, and was then pushed out of the nice, warm hands of the dream, into the reality, which was containing saltwater and cold, fresh air.

But reality wasn't that scary, Tom thought. It was HMS Surprise, a pretty vessel under the command of Jack Aubrey, where he served his duty for King and Country, for good old England and for himself. The truth was that he couldn't stand being on land for more than two weeks.

And the more frightening truth was that Tom didn't feel anything for his sweet wife in England anymore. He had married her with every intention of making her happy, but now he didn't worry about her at all. He loved somebody else, and this man he loved, he would love for eternity.

Someone knocked at the door, and Pullings hurried out of the hammock. "Wait a minute!" Tom said, dragged his uniform out from his suitcase, and got dressed quicker than the marines could strike the bell. And after making himself look properly, he opened the door and looked outside.

William Mowett was standing outside, smiling. "Good morning, William. Shouldn't you be on watch now?" Tom asked and couldn't avoid making a little smile. He was too tired to try to make a better one, and he wouldn't get another nap before he had been on watch.

"I should indeed. But I had something I wanted to tell you." Mowett replied, and sat down on his suitcase, which was standing in the left corner of the room. It was purple, and some of the men were often making jokes about it, but Mowett didn't mind at all. He actually enjoyed listening to their insults targeted at his suitcase.

"Then you may tell me." Tom said and sat down on his own red suitcase. "I hope you are prepared, Tom?" he said and Pullings got a slight feeling of nervousness. "If you come back tomorrow, then we will chat there. I am ready, William, stop making me nervous!" Tom tried to sound upset, but he couldn't.

He started to laugh, and it infected Mowett too. They laughed together for a while, and Mowett thought that he was lucky, having a friend like Pullings. He was honest, loyal, friendly, always cheery, and a great leader. Leadership was a gift he had and used for good, like Mowett's poetry skills.

They had been friends for quite a while. Those good times had followed Mowett, since he signed up for the Navy. At that time, he was young and uninspired. He hadn't been able to write a poem in several weeks. Mowett had described it as a "black hole, stuffed with worries and evil deeds, performed by me, haunting me for eternity."

But the sea had washed out all his worries and evil deeds from this black hole. Tom Pullings had warmly welcomed him aboard Aubrey's first command, and the captain himself had liked him. And now they were here, sitting on suitcases, looking at each other.

"All right, keep steady… Here it goes… We're pursuing a French vessel!" Mowett said and smiled. He knew that this would make Tom's day. He liked battles, the smell of gunpowder and the excitement that it was making to the whole crew.

And like Mowett had foreseen, Pullings suddenly woke up. "An enemy, I can't believe it, here in this middle of nowhere!

I better get on deck, keeping an eye out for this scoundrel!" Tom happily shouted, waking Will Blakeney, a young Midshipman, who had been sleeping, and then Pullings hugged Mowett. "Thank you, my friend!" he said, and ran out of the room.

Will yawned. "What was that?" he moaned.

Mowett smiled. "It was the results of our watch this morning, Mr. Blakeney."


	2. Chapter 2 Desires of The Heart

**Chapter 2 – Desires of the Heart**

_At this moment, I want to thank you all for having noticed my story, and for reviewing it. I hope this chapter will be recieved with the same warm welcome._

Tom took a look around on the quaterdeck, where he had expected Captain Aubrey had given orders to beat to quarters.

But the deck was lively and silent at the same time, which indicated a normal watch. Aubrey was talking with his carpenter, Mr. Lamb, about the new mizzen, Tom heard. He smiled. Jack Aubrey appreciated his crew, but if he found out something was wrong, he would make sure that it wasn't done once again. And the crew had the deepest respect for the Surprise's commander, and would try their hardest to do it better next time.

"Tom, can I pass?" a voice asked from behind. Pullings turned around, and looked down.

The young Midshipman, Will Blakeney, was smiling, and Tom wondered how the devil he could get dressed that quickly. "No, you can't." Tom answered, but he wasn't serious. Will wasn't fooled, but remained silent. He tried to find something to reply with. He lowered his head for a brief minute, and then raised it again. "I could actually just go the other way around, but I am not sure that I can manage to find my own way on that dark path…!" Will replied, and Pullings smiled.

"Go on, then. Did you get to know where Mowett was heading, Will?" Pullings asked. Will turned around with a raised eyebrow. "He was heading to the orlop, but he didn't want to tell me what his errand was. He was carrying a parcel." Will answered and excused himself, when Barrett Bonden shouted his name.

"Good luck, Tom." Will finished their conversation and walked away, leaving Pullings with a confused mind.

But he didn't get long time to be confused, for his name was shouted afterwards, by Captain Aubrey, still standing near the mizzen with Mr. Lamb. "At your service, Sir!" Tom said when he had reached their little hideout. "Mr. Lamb and I are having a little brush here. Tom, do you think that the mizzen will do until we reach Portsmouth?" Aubrey asked, and removed his hat.  
With eyes of the fleet, Tom performed a slight examination on the mizzen. "I do think so, Sir. But then I hope we won't meet a hurricane or something fiercer than that." Pullings answered. Mr. Lamb was almost laughing already.

"You say a hurricane under this shining sun and starry sky? Mr. Pullings, are you quite well, Sir?!" Mr. Lamb said, but got a very angry look from Aubrey. Pullings lowered his head. "No, I do not feel very well. Pardon me, gentlemen. Good day, Sir." Tom sighed, and left the quaterdeck before anyone would ask to his health once again. He was physically well as always, but mentally…

Mentally, he felt like a beaten Man-of-war; Wounded, uncertain, disgraced, and still confused as hell. He sat down on one of the cannons; meanwhile he removed the little rope in his hair. It was quite a while since he had made his hair fly around him. But indeed it was quite a while since he had felt like this. He had never tried it until now and he wanted to find a cure to this misery…

"I sense something wrong in you, Tom. You don't usually behave like this." Aubrey's friendly voice said from behind.

Pullings shook his head. "I think that I no longer know how to behave." He replied. "You have been my friend for quite a while, Jack, but also my superior," he continued, "and therefore, I am requesting that you will not tell a soul what I'm going to tell you."

If Pullings had turned around, then he would have seen a smiling captain, which hair was enlightened by the sun. It looked like gold. "Is it necessary to say things like this to a friend, Tom?" Aubrey asked. "Usually it is not. But this is something I do not want the crew to know of. And I want to be certain." Pullings replied and looked down. "I am one of the King's officers, and I may not refuse a request. But I am also your friend, Tom, and I will do as commanded by you. Tell me then." Aubrey said and sat down beside Pullings.

Tom nodded, but when he tried to start, he couldn't. "I am sorry. It is a too heavy a load for my mind…" Tom said, and turned away. Jack patted Tom's left shoulder. "Start from the beginning, and let's see how you do."

Silence conquered the first minutes.

Then Tom started. "Since I have been in the Navy, since I was a young lad, I have felt cheery and happy. I know I belong here. I was raised with the Navy, I have grown up with the Navy, and I will probably leave this earth in the Navy. We have been close since the action at the Nile, you know that.

And you do also know that I have also been close with William Mowett for a very long time. Something in me is telling me to keep on being friends with him, but there is another, far stronger feeling, which tells me to advance to an ever higher level." He said and looked into Aubrey's eyes.

They were comforting and deep blue. "Have you never felt that way with Doctor Maturin, Sir?" Suddenly, Jack seemed surprised and his face was painted red. "I have Sophie, my dearest Tom…" Jack said, but Tom could sense that his friend shared his problems. Both of them had a wife, pretty ones, but something in them both longed for more. "You have her, yes, but do you love her still?" Tom asked.

Jacks face turned even redder and he bit his lower lip. "Why shouldn't I still love Sophie, my wife, with all my heart and soul?" Tom shook his head.

He felt tears trying to get out, and he hadn't been crying for about five years now. "Jack, if you did love her, you wouldn't notice my question. You share my problem." Pullings said, and looked away. "But you seem more haunted by it." Jack concluded, and kneeled in front of him. "Look into my eyes, Tom." Pullings obeyed at once, but couldn't keep his tears inside. "I am an officer, it's not proper to cry…" he cried after a few minutes.

"Do not worry about the duty right now, Tom. What's on your mind is more important right now." Jack said and got on his feet again. "What are your intentions, Tom? Will you let these feelings conquer you?" Aubrey asked. Tom nodded. "Yes. I want to tell Mowett."

Jack smiled. "That's the spirit. Come along."


End file.
